Jokes for the Week of 07/14/2015

  • “Minions” earned $115 Million for the second biggest animated opening ever. For those who don’t know “Minions” is about organisms that always find themselves working for unsuccessful villain masters. I heard after filming they joined Donald Trump’s campaign team.
  • July is National Cell Phone Courtesy month, or so I overhead the guy next to me screaming to someone on his phone.
  • Major Studios Warner Bros. and 20th Century Fox were shocked when Comic Con fans used their technology toys to record and share new trailers for Deadpool, X-Men, and Suicide Squad shown in Hall H. So Warner Brothers and 20th Century Fox have no idea who attends Comic Con.
  • Texas marketing and advertising firm T3 is developing a hands-free Tinder-like app for the Apple Watch that measures your heart rate as you view potential dates. If your pulse quickens, it’s a match. The upcoming male only version attaches somewhere else.
  • Texas marketing and advertising firm T3 is developing a hands-free Tinder-like app for the Apple Watch that measures your heart rate as you view potential dates. If your pulse quickens, it’s a match. If it works we can expect a new generation of the laziest kids EVER!
  • A woman, already upset about the poor Wi-Fi connection at a Taco Bell, took out a knife and confronted a group of teens that obstructed her path to the drinking fountain. That means for one minute there was something more deadly at Taco Bell than the food.
  • The iconic 1980s comic strip “Bloom County” is coming back after ending more than 25 years ago. The strip ended all those years ago with Donald Trump’s brain being implanted into Bill the Cat’s head and then Bill “buying” Bloom County. From watching Trump’s speech Bill never gave the brain back.
  • A twitter account claiming to be the escaped Drug Kingpin ‘El Chapo’ has threatened Trump for his derogatory remarks. Meanwhile Trumps fundraising has skyrocketed with donations flooding in to send him on a Mexican vacation.
  • After nine years and three billion miles, NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft zipped past Pluto and its five moons this morning. Scientists celebrated the end of New Horizon’s dramatic flyby and the longest wait for an after work happy hour ever.
  • A Disney employee was arrested during an undercover operation after allegedly trying to trade Disneyland tickets for sex with a teen on craigslist. There might be some good news for him; apparently his new bunkmates are planning a private screening of “Inside out”.

bc_trump
Bloom County
cg502d8b9b2340c

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *